Story #1 Look me in the eye!!

Look me in the eye !!

- By Rithika Anand 

Is it possible to be alive and dead at the same time?

To have the pulsating energy and the unknown of life tempting you one step further,yet being stopped by the crippling doom lurking in the shadows....

Shadows that I,  show no one.

Shadows that I, make myself believe don’t exist.

I lay in bed motionless, watching the fan make its un-rhythmic swirl with that annoying creak each time.It really did bother me, along with the monstrous state of the room. The rust infested windows, the chip in the wall paint, the hands of the bedside clock stuck at seven-thirty, the stains in the corners of the floor that has been left uncleaned for quite too long,that crooked heap of records,the wallposter that refused to stick completely.

And that smell reaching my nostrils a night too late,musty and dead.I really did let opiates block my senses! 

I peel my sweat drenched body off the bed and get myself to my feet, a little dizzy.I take a moment to steady my revolving earth, fighting back the nausea that threatened to make an entrance. I look back at the naked man sprawled across,barely stirring. 

I almost want this over way too soon.

I make my way to the tiny bathroom midway between the bedroom and the sparsely furnitured living room. It’s a pain to look at my wreck of a face every time, after a pull off like this. I have mascara smudged to the chin,my eyes bloodshot and hollow. My skin as translucent as garbage water.I wash the stink off me, standing under the shower till the water burns me.

I walk back to the room,scavenging my belongings. The red slip on dress that covered way less, the black glitter heels that rose me six inches into the sky,the silver beaded clutch I had safely placed beside the bed.

The man was stirring now,still navigating the gates of unconsciousness. 

“Hey,Beautiful”, he calls me. I don’t respond.

He really struggles to hold his eyes open as he calls out to me louder,his voice like a rasping goat. 

“Lisa, wait. “ He mumbles something about making breakfast.

He calls me Lisa.

                                 •×——————ו

I nick at the floorboard with my toe, a feet away from his side and take the vials under it.My heart picks up pace, I want him to see me now. I want him to look me in the eye, and realise what I am about to do. 

I almost feel a little affection looking at the way he is sleeping. I crawl on top of him,his heat matching my own.He’s pretty after all, dark hair, clear skin and a slight beard. Just the way I like.I run my fingertips along his torso,feeling the muscle beneath.He moves ever so slightly, his blood infested with every cocktail that exists.

I let my gaze slip across the room one more time,this time more slowly, purposeful. 

I spill the contents of my clutch, a hymn starting at the back of my head. I hum ever so slightly, emptying the vial into the syringe. I tap atop his cephalic vein and shh him as I let the liquid in the vial flow inside  him.And the one after that.And the other one after that.

I feel for the pulse in his neck,crouching lower to him.It was already slowing to a non-existent beat. I lay my body almost completely on top of him. My mouth angled to his ear,as I breathe “I’m sorry you couldn’t know me better.”

I kiss his forehead as slowly as possible and by the time I am over,I could feel his pulse no more. 

It gives me a ritualistic happiness,to set things right one more time. The world is a stage,and we are all it’s evil puppets. I lay his perfect body,on pillows and bedcovers, in the position I saw him sleep last night.His body curved into a ball,his hand under the chin, just angelic.

I do him a favor and wipe the entire place down,taking my time,enjoying every  moment. I come to him last,caressing his skin with a wet cloth. I don’t have to be on point to the bone, my presence here will not be the only thing they find. If they do.

 I ruffle his hair one last time,and I leave him sleeping.

My phone pops up a notification,and two more as I ignore it.Finally a call cuts through the silence,and I let it ring for a second before I accept.

“ Ms. Ankita? You are late for your session with Dr.Nidhi Chaudry. When will you be here?”  , the annoying receptionist shrieked in my ear.

“ Tell the doctor I’m on my way,please” 

I stand in his living room for a few more breaths before I leave, as oblivious as I entered. 

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Copyrighted by Rithika Anand